


Bilco One-Shots

by thebigqueer



Category: HoO - Fandom, PJO - Fandom, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan, toa - Fandom
Genre: M/M, cursed solangelo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebigqueer/pseuds/thebigqueer
Relationships: Nico di Angelo & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo x Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Solangelo - Relationship, bilco - Relationship, dominico di angelo x billiam thabdrew sksksolace
Comments: 18
Kudos: 14





	1. The Impersonators

Nico wishes he could go back up to the real world, back where real humans existed, where the air was cooler, where he didn’t constantly have to watch his back. 

And most of all, he wishes he didn’t have to bring Will with him. 

His boyfriend looks terrible, with scratches on his arms and face, a wide gash on his right shoulder, his face pale and his freckles dimmed. Will’s orange T-shirt is pretty much torn up, as are his jeans. 

Nico isn’t doing so much better. His own arms ache from scratches and gashes against his shoulders and forearms, and his right leg oozes with pain each time he steps. He will never forgive that monster for stabbing him in the thigh. Will tried to help clean it up, make him feel a little better. The pain tamed down a bit, but it still leaves Nico out of breath each time he places his weight on the leg. 

Nico’s not sure how long it’s been, but if he took his guess he’d say it’s been about a single day down in this hell. He hasn’t found Bob yet, but being down in Tartarus makes the whispers in his mind louder, more persistent. He knows Bob’s close, because now the voices aren’t even just in his sleep - they’re constantly in his head, gripping his mind, directing his every move towards the Titan. 

“Nico…,” Will mutters next to him, and the son of Hades turns just in time to catch Will before he collapses to the ground. He props his boyfriend up against himself. Will’s breathing is ragged, Nico notices, so he places his palm over his forehead, checking for a fever. A dazed look appears in the son of Apollo’s blue eyes, which seem pale and washed out in this part of the Underworld. 

“Are you okay, Will?” Nico asks, gripping his boyfriend’s hand and squeezing it. 

Will hums weakly. “Can we just… sit for a sec?”

Nico opens his mouth to respond, but he’s distracted from his words when he notices two figures appearing ahead of the boys. He squints his eyes to get a better look at them, but he’s still not sure who they are. 

“Will,” Nico murmurs urgently, “I think I see some people.” 

Will’s mouth curls into a grimace, frustrated and angry and exhausted. Just looking at his boyfriend makes Nico’s heart shatter; he hates to see him so beaten down. They haven’t even been down here for over a day.

_ I just want to go back _ , he moans internally.

“You think they’re monsters?” asks Will, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Nico peers into the fog again, trying to gauge their figures. He still can’t see them clearly, but their silhouettes seem vaguely humanoid. “I don’t know.” 

“Maybe they’re Bob and a friend?” Will suggests hopefully, but Nico knows better. He doubts finding the turned Titan would be this easy.

Nevertheless, Nico decides to humor him. “Maybe.” 

Every cell in Nico’s body begs him to run, to scoop Will in his arms if he has to and run for their lives, but Will looks too beaten down to even move a muscle. They sit there, waiting, watching, anticipating their next battle. 

After about another thirty seconds, the two figures make themselves known. Nico almost has to take a double-take at them, because they’re not like any monsters he’s ever seen.

In fact, they don’t even  _ seem  _ like monsters. They look like humans. 

As they step closer towards the boys, their features become clearer. One of them is tall, while the other is a few inches shorter. The tall one has golden hair, much like Will’s, except his hair is up in a messy bun held together with a scrunchy. A couple more scrunchies line the blond’s arms, all the way up to his shoulders. 

The shorter one looks much different. A large cowboy hat balances itself on his head, standing out in the dim light of Tartarus, and an ugly scowl makes itself prominent on his face. A whip dangles by his belt. 

“Nico,” Will whispers, “I’ve never met Bob, but they certainly don’t look like Titans. Please tell me we’ve found Bob.” 

“No, we haven’t.” Nico’s heartbeat picks up, anxiety and adrenaline coursing through his chest.

“Are they monsters?”

“I don’t think so. They don’t look… monster-ish.” Nico wants to say that their demigods, but what would have landed them in Tartarus? Did they get sent here by accident? Nico isn’t sure, but it doesn’t matter - if they’re humans, he sure as hell wants to keep them safe and bring them back to the mortal world with him and Will. 

The son of Hades pushes his boyfriend a little away so that he can stand. Will asks, “What are you doing?” but Nico doesn’t answer. He brandishes his sword, just in case it comes to fighting. “Who are you?” he demands. “Are you demigods?”

As they come closer, a realization hits Nico so hard he loses his breath. These people… they look just like him and Will. But at the same time, they  _ aren’t  _ Nico and Will, because Nico and Will are right here.

When Will hisses, Nico knows that the son of Apollo has come to this realization as well. 

_ Who are they? _ Nico wonders.  _ Evil twins? Doppelgangers? Or maybe some monster who has the power to turn into its opponent? _

The boy with the messy bun makes a sound like laughter and hissing combined, sounding a little like “sksksksk.” An evil grin creeps up on his face. “Demigods?” he muses. “You could say that.” 

The shorter boy, the one with the cowboy hat, laughs deeply. “Pardner, we’re  _ y’all _ .” He points his finger in Will and Nico’s direction.

Nico tilts his head in confusion and raises his eyebrows. “I… don’t understand? What are you talking about? Me and Will are already  _ us _ .”

“We’re your cursed versions,” the blond says. “My name is Billiam Thabdrew Sksksolace, and this is Dominico di Angelo. Dom for short.”

“We’re two lovebirds, just like y’all,” Dom adds, grinning. “We’re just  _ you _ , pardners.” 

“But,” Will pipes up, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, “where did you  _ come _ from?”

A faraway look takes over both Billiam and Dom, and they stare off into the distance. “We’re not sure,” Bill says gravely. “Sometimes we think some evil demons got us, sometimes we think we were just born like this. Maybe we came from some alternate dimension, maybe from a cursed shitpost on Tumblr.” A cheesy grin takes over Billiam. “But that doesn’t matter, because we’re here!” 

“And we’re here to kill you!” chimes Dom. 

“ _ What? _ ” Will hisses. “Kill us? Why? We didn’t even do anything to you!” 

Billiam and Dom circle around the boys, low chuckles emanating from them as they watch over their counterparts hungrily. “You ain’t wrong,” Dom says, glaring at Nico, “but a little birdie told us that we’d get a very excitin’ reward for takin’ your lives.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Nico growls angrily. Ever since he and Will entered Tartarus, it’s been non-stop fighting and saving each other’s asses. He’s exhausted from running so much. “What’s that reward?”

“Well,” Billiam answers, “we  _ are  _ alternate versions of you, right? Sksksk. If we kill you, then we replace you. All your friends will forget about the true Nico and Will, and we’ll get to be you for the rest of our lives.” A bright smile takes over his face, as if he isn’t just talking about how he’s going to murder the boys. “We’ll get to save as many turtles as we want!”

“What will you gain from killing and replacing us?” Will asks incredulously. “Why do you even  _ want  _ our lives? All we see is constant death and exhaustion. Our dead-beat godly parents rarely talk to us. What could you  _ possibly _ gain from this?”

“Nothin’!” Dom responds excitedly. “We just get to kill ya ‘cause the author couldn’t figure out a good enough reason to kill ya!”

“Author?” Nico inquires. 

Dom blinks. “What?”

“You said author.” 

“No, pardner, I didn’t. You’re just losin’ ya hearin’.” 

This time it’s Nico’s turn to blink.  _ What was he talking about?  _ He shakes his head in an attempt to clear his mind. “Anyway, I guess this means we fight.”

Will groans and pulls himself up, swaying unsteadily on his feet. 

For the first time in a while, Nico turns his head to look at his boyfriend. His face looks even paler, almost translucent in the dim lighting. Perspiration slides down the sides of his face, but he’s shivering and shaking. 

“Will, you don’t have to fight,” Nico mutters. “I can handle it.” 

Will laces Nico’s fingers in his own, tugging lightly. “No, you can’t. I’m tired, but so are you. I’m not letting you take this on by yourself.” A small, sweet smile takes over his lips, and for a second Nico catches a glimpse of Will’s regular brightness. “We always do things together. This time should be no different.” 

Nico wants to kiss him, right here and now, tell him he adores him, but he’s taken by surprise when something knocks him and Will to the ground, trapping them together. Nico and Will are practically hugging each other, they’re so close. The ground is hot against his face, boiling him. Not hot enough to make him scream, but enough to make him start sweating right away. 

Nico tries aggressively shifting, but he and Will are completely trapped together. “What is this?” he demands, anger boiling in his blood. 

“It’s a scrunchie,” Will murmurs in astonishment. “He literally trapped us in a magical scrunchie.” 

“Yeah, sksksorry,” chimes Billiam, though he doesn’t sound very sorry. “Y’all were taking too long, so I figured I’d trap you in this magical scrunchie that Clown Valdez made me.”

“Clown… Valdez?” Nico asks, the words foreign on his lips. 

Billiam smiles, but anger simmers behind it, like he has some beef with the boy. “He’s the alternate version of Leo Valdez.” He nudges Dom, who looks a little uncomfortable. “These two are pretty good friends.” Billiam raises an eyebrow, and suddenly Nico understands: he’s jealous. “Or, at least, that’s what they tell me.” 

Nico knows he’s not the only one to catch the rift between the boyfriends - Will peers at him with his own eyebrows raised, as if saying, “I think we just got a hold of something important.”

“So…,” Will starts, his voice nonchalant, “seems like Dom and Clown have some kind of relationship with each other? What’s that about?”

Nico knows what Will’s doing: he’s buying time for the two of them, probably hoping Nico can come up with a plan to pull them both out of this mega scrunchie. But, in all honesty, he’s not sure if he can. His arms are stuck, so he can’t exactly get his sword to cut the scrunchy. He’s starving, exhausted, hot. All these factors muddle his mind, making it hard for him to make a plan. 

Dom laughs humorlessly. “Ya think you’re some big brain, huh, Will?” he taunts. “Well, guess what, ya big  _ fake _ Texan - me an’ Billiam, we got your brains. We ain’t dumb like all them other monsters. We ain’t gon’ be fooled too fast.” He grins at Billiam. “Time to take these two hillybillies to Murder Town.” 

Anxiety ripples through Nico, so powerful and breath-taking he almost blacks out.  _ This is it _ , he realizes.  _ I’ve fought monsters, I’ve been through Tartarus, I’ve lost so many people. And in the end, after all that, I’m going to be killed by two impersonating cursed idiots who have me trapped in a fucking  _ scrunchie _. _

Will touches his wrist lightly, grabbing his attention, and Nico turns his head to face his boyfriend - his glorious, golden, beautiful, majestic boyfriend. They only got six months together, but Nico’s just glad they even  _ got  _ to date for that long. 

He wants to drink in all of Will’s features, hoping against all hope that he can ingrain the memory of his angelic face in his mind forever. 

“I just want you to know,” whispers Will, closing his eyes for a second, “that I’m really glad I get to die with you.” 

A sob that Nico didn’t know was building up in his chest escapes. “I love you, William Andrew Solace. I’ll see you in the Underworld. I’ll see you at my father’s palace.” 

A beautiful, gorgeous smile takes over Will’s face, so amazing that Nico’s almost convinced they’re not dying. “I love you-” 

He never gets to finish his sentence because a sword stabs him in the stomach. Before Nico can react, though, a blinding pain overcomes him, and he knows he’s been stabbed, too. 

“I… fucking… hate… you,” Nico mutters through ragged breaths. 

Billiam only wrinkles his nose. “Ew. Y’all make gross corpses.” 

Will raises the middle finger, with the last amount of energy that he has. Nico just has to smile.

And together, the two of them ascend into the Underworld, ready for a new life in Hades’ palace. 

Dom sighs. “Pardner, I didn’t even get to use my whip. They both deserved a good whippin’. Would have done the job faster.” 

Billiam rolls his eyes. “Dom, I don’t care. Sksksk. Can we just leave now?” He shivers. “These bodies are giving me the heebie-jeebies.” 

Dom laces his fingers with his partner and smiles up at him. “Yeah, of course.” 

Together, the two leave the corpses of Nico and Will to rot, to disintegrate, to be forgotten by all others. 

Billiam wraps his arm across Dom’s shoulder and leans his head against him. “I guess now we have to tell the others that it’s their turn to go after their counterparts.” He huffs. “I feel bad for Ennabeth’s opponent.”

Dom laughs, a deep, croaky, loud laugh, much like a maniacal scientist. “Yeah, yeah.” He kisses Bill’s cheek. “I can’t wait for our new revolution. Our friends will be reigning over the world soon. We best get ready, pardner.” 

“Dom, I love you.” 

Dominico wraps his arm against his partner’s waist. “Yeah, I know.”


	2. Scooby Doo AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Bilco fandom was thinking of doing a Scooby Doo AU, so here ya go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so like i barely tried if you can't already tell

Dom knew something was wrong the moment he heard the scream. 

It was a lazy morning in the ranch house, the heat slowing down the time. Dom felt heavy and lazy; he wasn’t ready for a long day of herding cattle. 

Some friends were over, though, for reasons he didn’t really know. They just all appeared last night, and he let them in. Ennabeth the e-girl was already bustling about in the kitchen when he woke up that morning, filming Tik Toks and making coffee for the others in the house. Her boyfriend, Perry the Catboy/E-boy, was still fast asleep upstairs. Pipe Cleaner, the sapphic warrior, was passed out on the stairs for some reason. Frank the fish was swimming happily in a fishbowl, and Hazelnut slept peacefully in the closet. Clown Valdez pranced around the house, honking his red nose. Jason the ghost floated mindlessly through the house, knocking shit everywhere and annoying Dom to the highest degree. 

It was like something intense was about to happen, and they all just happened to appear at the same time.

Dom sat carefully at the breakfast table that morning, where Jason’s ghost watched him with a crazy grin and an intense look in his eyes. The cowboy glared at him. “If ya even  _ think _ about touchin’ my vase-”

Jason knocked it over. “WooOoOOooo!” Then he vanished in a shower of shimmering sparkles. 

“That mother trucker-”

Just then, a shrill scream spilled from upstairs, sounding like a whistle. Frank the fish popped into human form in surprise, but unfortunately for him he was still in the bowl - he immediately lost his balance and crashed on the floor. Pipe Cleaner jumped awake, swung out her dagger, and looked around, growling. From upstairs, a thud shook the house, and then a boy exclaimed: “UWU WHAT HAPPENED UWU!”

Ennabeth’s mouth turned into a scowl of disgust. “I’m trying to film a Tik Tok!” she exclaimed. 

Dom’s heart thudded with anxiety when he realized the scream came from his beloved, Billiam. 

“Bill!” he cried, and rushed up the stairs, climbing into their bedroom. There he found his VSCO boyfriend sobbing on the ground by their vanity, his hair undone. Dom rushed to his side and took him in his arms. 

“Bill, darlin’, what’s wrong?” he asked softly. 

Billiam continued sobbing, making some of the ugliest sounds Dom had ever heard. He groped around the vanity for a tissue and handed it to Billiam. The VSCO boy honked into it. 

Dom touched his elbow tenderly, hoping to ease his nerves a bit. “What’s wrong?”

“My… my skskscrunchies!” he exclaimed, his voice thick. Tears continued rolling down his cheeks, past his freckles and his nose, creating clear tracks against his face. Dom wanted to wipe them away. 

“What happened to your scrunchies?”

“They’re… They’re gone!” Sharp sobs racked through Bill’s body again, and it took another full minute before he spoke again. “Someone skskstole them all! My beautiful sksksrunchies!” 

“Oh, darlin’...” Dom cooed, pulling his boyfriend closer. “I’m sure they’re aroun’ here somewhere-” 

“No!” Bill cried. “They were all here yesterday, babe! They’re not here anymore.” Suddenly, Bill stopped sobbing, and a shadow painted itself across the room. Bill’s face turned black and white, like one of those old movies, and his eyes glared past Dom, to the door. In a deep, terrifying voice, he announced, “Someone stole them.” 

Dom raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Stole them? Darlin’, don’t you think you’re gettin’ a bit ahead of yourself? You probably may have just misplaced them.” He winced a little. “I know you love your scrunchies, bae, but in all honesty, I don’t think anyone else would want ‘em, so why would anyone steal them?”

“That’s exactly it,” Bill growled, his voice still deep. “Nobody likes them. They want them gone.” He grips Dom’s face in his own and pulls it closer into his own, getting a full view of his boyfriend’s eyes. “Whoever stole them wants to get  _ rid  _ of me, Dom. They want me gone.” 

“But… how will takin’ your scrunchies take you out?”

Bill rose dramatically, his feet planted heavily on the ground. He wrung his hands behind his back and stepped towards the window, where the sun shone a wide, dramatic spotlight on Bill. “Dom, those skskscrunchies are magical. They keep me as me - Billiam, the VSCO boy. Without them… I’m not Billiam anymore.” He pivoted suddenly, facing Dom, and a shadow crossed over his blue eyes. “I’m someone else. Like an alter ego.” 

“Alter ego, you say?” Dom rose from the floor, peering over his boyfriend suspiciously. “What’re we talkin’ ‘bout?”

“His name is William Andrew Solace.” Bill scowled, baring his teeth, and Dom couldn’t help but to think of how totally  _ different  _ he looked. He’d never seen his partner so angry, so upset, so lost. It was heartbreaking.

Bill continued. “He’s like me, but much, much more boring. Without my magical skskscrunchies, Dom, I will slowly transition into him.” A strange new look took over his features - vulnerability. An uneasy realization took over Dom: Billiam was scared. “I can’t let that happen,” he announced.

Dom chewed his lip thoughtfully and edged towards his boyfriend. He took Bill’s wrist in his, rubbing small circles over it. “I won’t let it happen, pardner.” He leaned his forehead to Bill’s and closed his eyes, feeling his warmth. “We’ll find whoever stole ‘em,” he promised, holding Bill’s face to his. “I’m not gonna lose ya.”

Tensions were high in the living room.

Dom had called everyone here, anger biting at him. He wasn’t sure why anyone would want to get rid of his precious boyfriend, but he sure as hell wanted to know  _ who  _ wanted Bill gone. 

As everyone gathered around the living room, Perry the e-boy tilted his head at the boyfriends. “Why are you… dressed like that? Uwu.” 

Bill looked down at his apparel. He was wearing a purple dress, lilac slippers, and a green ascot. His boyfriend, on the other hand, wore an orange sweater, a red-orange skirt, orange socks, deep red shoes, and a pair of glasses. Bill thought he looked quite cute with glasses. Maybe they’d buy him some real fake ones later. 

“Because,” Dom answered, “this is a Scooby Doo AU.” 

“AU?” Perry asked. “Like… an Alternate Universe?”

“What? No. AU stands for Asshole Umbrellas.” 

“ _ What? _ ”

Dom rolled his eyes and pulled out a huge purple umbrella from his pocket. When he opened it, images of the Scooby Doo gang stood out against the purple. “These are some asshole umbrellas that belong to Scooby Doo. They’re terrible umbrellas.” 

“Why are they terrible?”

“Not important.” Dom smacked Perry’s head with the umbrella. A loud  _ conk  _ sound echoed around the room at the moment of contact, and Perry rubbed his head. “Stop asking stupid questions.” 

“Now,” Bill announced, clasping his hands together, “I bet you’re wondering why we’ve invited all you here.” 

“Not really,” Pipe Cleaner said. 

“I don’t care, you’re gonna be curious anyway. Sksksk.” Bill cleared his throat, allowing for a dramatic pause. Suddenly the lighting in the room changed to be completely black and white, once again like one of those old TV shows. No one questioned it. “I’ve called you all here today because there’s been an attempted murder, and that does  _ not  _ give me good vibes, y’all.”

Everyone screamed. Dom rolled his eyes. “No, there hasn’t-” 

“SHUT UP DOM!” Bill cried. “If someone’s skskstealing my skskscrunchies, babe, they’re trying to  _ kill _ me.” He turned his head accusingly to the others in the room. “Someone in here tried skskstealing my skskscrunchies. I want to know who the  _ fuck  _ is trying to kill me.”

Jason the ghost rolled his eyes. “In what way is stealing your scrunchies going to kill you?” He patted his chest. “I’m a ghost, so trust me, I know a lot about death.”

Bill relayed the entire story he told Dom earlier about his connection between his identity and his scrunchies. When he was done, Dom noticed the look of panic that took over his friends. He smirked. “Yee haw, now y’all realize how serious this is.” 

“So, what you’re saying is that you won’t  _ die _ , you’ll just become an alter ego,” Clown Valdez summarized. 

Billiam glared at the clown. “Yeah.” 

“Then what’s so bad about that? We’re your friends, we’ll still love you even if you’re not Bill.” 

It happened out of nowhere. One second, Bill was standing right next to Dom, holding his hand, and Clown Valdez was sitting on the couch. The next second, Bill was on top of Clown, pounding him with a huge-ass pillow. Clown screamed, “Make him stop, make him stop!” 

“Bill!” Dom exclaimed. He tried prying his boyfriend off, but Billiam’s baby hands were practically glued to Clown’s rainbow T-shirt. 

It took a group effort to shake Billiam off, and even when he stopped hurting Clown, he growled while being strangled by five more pairs of arms. 

“Bill, now why did ya go after him like that?” Dom cried. “He didn’t do nothin’!”

“He’s the one trying to kill me, Dom!” Fresh tears pooled in his blue eyes, innocence trying to make an appearance through his anger. “He basically just told me he didn’t care about Bill.” 

“He didn’t say that,” Dom groaned. “And why’re you jumpin’ to conclusions, darlin’? Clown didn’t do anythin’.” 

Suddenly Bill stopped struggling and stood straight. The air in the room stilled, as if holding its own breath. The others watched closely, their ears open. Bill’s eyes focused on Dom, his stare like knives against the cowboy’s skin. “Don’t think I don’t know about your little  _ excursions _ with Clown, Dominico.” 

“Uh-oh,” Jason whispered. “He just full-named him. This is gonna be bad.” 

Bill ignored him. “I know all about your little clown career. I know you go with Clown to gigs.” He toed closer to Dom, close enough to make him feel the heat of his anger. “And don’t think I’m not suspicious of you two.”

A swift chill swooped down Dom’s back, but his face burst out with sparks of heat. A deep blush took over his cheeks.  _ How much did Bill know? _ Nevertheless, he raised his chin and offered his boyfriend an attempt at a reassuring smile. “Billiam, baby, don’t you think you’re bein’ a lil paranoid?” 

“Not at all, Dom.” Bill’s voice was low, grave, darker than Dom was used to. “In fact, it would make perfect sense that he’d want to kill Billiam and bring out William. Because if he did that, that would mean that he could easily sksksteal you from me.” He tilted his head in Clown’s direction, who looked just as uncomfortable as Dom felt. Bill offered him a cold, cruel smile. “Isn’t that right, Clown?”

“Look, Bill,” Clown said, scrunching his face and honking his nose, “I don’t want to kill you. Honest. I would never want that on you.” 

This seemed to only encourage Bill’s rage. He turned to Dom angrily. “You sksksee that? He won’t even deny that you’ve been seeing each other! SKSKSKSK!” He stomped angrily to the kitchen, muttering, “Need to find that hydroflask… Need to hit him…” 

“No!” Dom cried, taking a hold of his arm. “No, Bill, listen. Nothin’ is goin’ on with us. You’re right about the clown career, but that’s it. Nothin’ else.” 

A soft, sullen look took over Bill’s blue orbs. He held Dom’s hands in his own baby-sized ones. “You promise?”

Dom nodded, despite the spark of anxiety that rushed through him. “Yeah, Bill.” 

Bill smiled, and for a second, all of Dom’s issues flew away. But the feeling only lasted a second, because a confused frown took over Bill’s face. His eyes seemed to cloud over, and he tilted his face at his boyfriend. “Uh…,” he muttered, “who’s Bill?”

Dom frowned, a cold sense of dread settling at the pit of his stomach.  _ What does Bill mean? Isn’t he Bill?  _ “Um,  _ you’re _ Bill. Are ya feelin’ alright?”

The dazed look in Bill’s eyes faded away, clearing his blue eyes once again. He shook his head vigorously, as if trying to clear his head. “Sksksk. Yeah, I’m alright. What happened?”

Dom looked to his friends, wondering if they’d noticed. Judging by the concerned look in their faces, they definitely noticed. 

“Nothin’,” Dom answered in an attempt to move past the issue. He twisted to properly face his friends. “Anyway, we’re gonna search all y’all’s bedrooms. We’re gonna be some darned Scooby Doo gang.” 

“Ooh, ooh!” Ennabeth called, her eyes shining. “Can I be Velma?”

“No,” Dom said. “I’m Velma. You can be Fred.” 

Ennabeth looked incredulous. “But he’s boring.” 

Bill grinned at her. “Exactly.” 

Ennabeth gaped. “God! I hate when I get discriminated against for my _blonde hair_. You guys just don’t _understand_ the absolute _pain_ I go through.” 

Dom rolled his eyes. “You can’t use your blonde hair excuse, girl. You’re wearin’ a wig that’s black and pink.”

Before Ennabeth could respond, Perry exclaimed, “I have to go to the bathrowom uwu!” His feet scampered up the steps nervously, and the thudding upstairs mapped his track through the house. Jason watched everyone anxiously, then announced, “I have to follow him.” He floated through the ceiling. 

No one batted an eye. This was definitely not suspicious. 

“Okay, then,” Bill said. “While Jason and Perry are off doing definitely non-suspicious things, Dom and I are gonna cosplay the legendary lesbians Daphne and Velma and perform a Scooby Doo AU. Anyone wanna roleplay with us?”

“Ooh, ooh!” chimed Pipe Cleaner. “Can I be Shaggy?”

Bill agreed, then asked who wanted to fill the role of Scooby. Everyone looked to Frank. He raised an eyebrow. “Why me?”

“Because you can change into dogs?” Hazelnut answered.

“Oh, right.” He switched into dog form, and together, Ennabeth, Pipe Cleaner, Frank the dog, Dom, and Bill made their way upstairs. Hazelnut and Clown Valdez were left to fend for themselves downstairs, so they binged on Nutella and Mickey Mouse ClubHouse. 

Dom didn’t even remember going through all the other rooms because they were all irrelevant to the story. Their adventures through the many rooms in their house mostly consisted of Ennabeth still crying about how much she was discriminated against for her blonde hair, Frank sniffing the floor, Pipe Cleaner stabbing their walls with her blade, and Bill sobbing about his missing scrunchies.

They went through each room but, after a very not-thorough search through them, they found no scrunchies. Finally they came to Perry’s room for the night. From inside the room came hushed murmuring and angry whispering. 

Dom knocked on the door. The whispering stopped. 

“I think this is the one,” he muttered to his comrades. They looked back at him with a sudden seriousness. The answer they’d been looking for a total of fifteen minutes was about to be revealed to them, and they weren’t sure if they were ready for it. 

It might change their lives forever. What would happen to their friend group? 

Slowly, Dom creaked the door open. What he found in there left him so speechless he could barely speak, because that’s what happens when someone is speechless. 

Scrunchies were thrown all across the floor, their bright colors popping out in contrast to the bland gray of the bedroom. But that wasn’t even the most surprising part - actually, it was the fact that Perry the E-boy, who usually wore chains, black clothing, and cat ears, was decked out in bright, rainbow scrunchies. They were in his hair, wrapped around his arms, tightened across his legs. He stood there, like a deer caught in headlights, his eyes wide with surprise and his mouth agape. 

“Look,” he said hesitantly, “I can explain-” 

“You stole them!” Bill cried. “Perry,  _ you _ stole them! Why do you hate me?” 

“Me?” Perry cried. “No, no, it was Jason!” 

“How could it be Jason?” Bill screamed. “He’s a fucking  _ ghost _ . Are you stupid?” 

“NO!” A loud voice boomed, shaking the house. In a giant flash of sparkles, Jason the ghost appeared, his pale blue eyes stormy. Everyone stepped back in shock, astounded by his sudden appearance. Electricity seemed to shock the room.

“It wasn’t  _ just  _ Perry,” he announced. A deep sigh escaped his lips, and he looked down at the floor as if in shame. “It was all of us.”

“What?” Dom was in shock. How could all his friends take part in this murder?  _ Why _ would they want to do this? 

Before Jason could continue, Billiam shuddered. His eyes rolled up in his head and he lost his footing. Dominico had to rush to catch him before he fell to the ground. He settled the both of them on the ground, with Bill’s head in his lap. 

“Bill,” he murmured. Gently slapping his cheeks, Dom cooed, “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

Bill coughed up something sparkly. His chest rose and fell rapidly, as if he’d just run a marathon and was trying to catch his breath. In a raspy voice, he croaked, “I’m…  _ Bill _ is dying, Dom.” As if on queue, Billiam’s messy bun came undone. Dom wasn’t sure if it was just a trick of his eyes, but that elongated hair in his bun seemed to be shrinking, as if pulling itself back into Bill’s scalp. Slowly but surely, Billiam’s oversized T-shirt was shrinking, revealing more and more of his shorts. 

“Bill!” he cried. “No, no, stop!” He glared at the suspects in the room, who were all watching with concern, fear,  _ guilt _ . “You  _ let  _ this happen!” Dom yelled. “Ain’t y’all ashamed of yourselves?” 

“There’s still time!” a voice called, and Dom turned his head to the door. Clown Valdez and Hazelnut stood there, panic painting their eyes. Clown gestured to the scrunchies on Perry’s body. “Get them on him, quick!”

“I’m not… sure they’ll… help,” Bill rasped, his eyes fluttering. “In order to… bring back Billiam… you’ll need to… get them  _ all  _ on me. And I’m just… not sure… there’s enough… time.” 

“There is!” Hazelnut cried. She looked at all the people in the room, a new look of authority in her eyes. “We worked together to steal all the scrunchies, but we can work together to put them all back on him.” She shared a look with Ennabeth, who nodded, encouraged by Hazelnut’s brave words. “We can do this. We’re all in this together.” 

So the group worked together. Everyone quickly yanked the scrunchies from Perry, who yelped in pain anytime someone pulled too hard. Even Jason the ghost helped in the way he could - from his ghostly phone, he played “We’re All in this Together” from his ghostly Spotify playlist. It really set the mood. 

By the time Bill was decked out in his scrunchies, he was almost completely transformed into William Andrew Solace. His hair was basically just simple golden curls, his shirt back to a normal size. His hands were no longer baby hands, but instead a pair of normal-sized hands. Billiam moaned. 

“Dom…” he croaked. “I’m not sure I’ll make it…” 

“Yes you can!” Dominico looked at his friends. “Maybe if you explain why y’all wanted to kill mah pardner in the first place, it’ll help.” 

Pipe Cleaner looked at Dom incredulously. “How will that help?”

Dom shrugged. “I don’t know, but this story needs a close, and we’re gettin’ near the end. We can’t let Bill go into Death Town without hearing the story of how he died.” 

Jason nodded. “I’ll go.” He took a deep, rich breath, then started his story: “None of us hate you, Billiam. We all just have some selfish goals for ourselves, that we chose to use your scrunchies for.” 

Bill stared at him blankly. Dom could feel his VSCO boy leaving him, becoming into this new  _ monster _ . Into William. 

“Me? I’m lonely. I’m so lonely, man.” Ghostly tears pricked at Jason’s eyes, and he pulled out a tissue from his pocket. “I wanted to kill you because I just want a friend, man.” 

“But how could you have known of Bill’s connection to his scrunchies?” Dom asked. 

Jason rolled his eyes, as if it were obvious. “Dom, I’m dead. Of course I know everyone’s secrets.” He looked at Dom, and a cold drift swept down his back again. “I know what y’all are up to.” 

Dom swallowed. This meant he knew about him and Clown. He cleared his throat. “Okay, fine. What about the rest of you?”

Perry went next. He was practically sobbing now, tears tracing his cheeks and ugly sounds of despair coming from somewhere deep inside him. “Bill, I’m so sorry! I just… I’m a catboy and an e-boy, and I thought that by stealing your scrunchies, I could achieve the holy trinity! I’m so fucking sorry!” He draped himself dramatically over Bill’s chest, sobbing and muttering incoherently.

“Get a hold of yourself, boy,” Dom grunted, pushing the e-boy off his dying boyfriend. 

“I’m sorry!” Next he hugged Dom, sobbing into his shoulder. Dom didn’t even try shaking him off. He peered at his friends. “And the rest of y’all?”

“I wanted to play with the scrunchies!” Frank exclaimed, his bottom lip trembling. “I had no idea we would… we would kill him.” 

Pipe Cleaner raised an eyebrow. “I wanted them to impress my new girlfriend, Shel the seashell. She’s a VSCO girl, too, so I thought I’d be impressing her by giving her a scrunchie.” She tilted her head towards Bill, an apologetic expression on her face. “I’m sorry, Bill. Really.” 

Bill didn’t seem to hear her. Under his fingertips, Dom could feel his breathing get shorter, raspier. He whispered, “It’s not working.” 

“I’ll go next!” Hazelnut cried exasperatedly. “I just thought they were pretty. I wanted to use them in my hair. I’m sorry!” 

Dom wanted to be angry at his sister, but she was family. How could he ever be mad at her? He offered her a solemn look but said nothing else. Instead, he turned to Clown Valdez, who stood at the door uncomfortably. He carefully avoided everyone’s eyes, opting instead to wrinkle up the hem of his shirt. 

“Clown?” Dom inquired. “What was your reason?”

Clown seemed to be shaking. He chewed his bottom lip nervously, then broke down in sobs. Hazelnut patted his back. “He was right!” Clown cried. “I  _ am  _ jealous, Dom! I wanted to truly kill him! I wanted you all for myself!” Jason handed him a tissue, and he took it and gracefully snorted into it. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think it would be bad.” 

Pipe Cleaner scowled. “You didn’t think killing someone would be  _ bad _ ?”

Clown threw his disgusting tissue at her. “No! I’m fifteen, you think I know rational sense?”

“Clown,” Dom said, his heart aching, “why didn’t you just  _ talk  _ to me? We could have worked together!” 

“Because… Because it was too damn  _ hard _ , Dom. I love you but you love him.” He shook his head in shame and avoided Dom’s eyes. “You just… wouldn’t understand.” 

Dom opened his mouth to say something, anything, tell Clown that maybe he  _ would  _ understand. But then Bill’s body shuddered, and Dom gasped.

“Billiam!” he cried. “Billiam, what’s wrong?”

Bill winced. “Dom… I… I think… I’m about to… say my last… words,” he rasped. “I… won’t… make… it.” 

“NO!” Dom’s chest hurt. His arms shook over Bill’s body, and the air in the room turned sour and deathly, trying to close around Dom’s throat. He couldn’t breathe. “Billiam,  _ please _ . Darlin’, I just  _ know  _ you’ll make it. You always do.” 

Billiam offered Dom a pained smile, so sweet that Dom could swear he tasted sugar in his mouth. “No… I can feel… William… taking over me.” With the last bit of strength he had left, Billiam squeezed his lover’s hand. “It’s… time… for me to… leave.”

“NO!” Dom cried. “No, I  _ won’t  _ let you yee your last haw! You can’t leave me!” Tears stuck in his throat, choking him, paining him. He wasn’t ready to let go, not yet. “Billiam,  _ please _ …”

“It’s time to say one last thing,” Billiam moaned. He took a deep breath, stuck his tongue between his teeth, and whispered, “Sksksksk, hydroflask.” With another squeeze of Dom’s hand, he whispered, “Make sure to save the turtles.” 

And with that, Billiam closed his eyes. For a second, the world seemed to still. Nothing and no one moved. Time itself seemed to stop.

And then Billiam gasped and grinned at his friends. “It’s a miracle!” he cried. “I’m alive!” 

“B- but how?” asked Dom, his heart doing somersaults. “You died!” 

“Yeah, but this isn’t real life, it’s a story!” he exclaimed, grinning widely. “Stories can be so unreal sometimes and just help keep everyone alive, even when they’re supposed to die! Like in Heroes of Olympus when one of them  _ really  _ should have died!”

“Oh!” Dom laughed. The stillness in the room seemed to evaporate, and soon everyone was laughing as if nothing happened. “This is wonderful news! I love you!” He swooped in for a kiss.

“Hey,” Clown called, a grin lacing his lips, “don’t you think we should talk about what just happened between me and Dom and how that might impact Billiam and our relationship as a friend group?”

“Nope!” Pipe Cleaner replied. “We’re gonna leave that part unanswered like so many of the author’s questions about the Riordanverse which will probably never get answered!”

“Oh!” Clown grinned wider. “Sounds fun!” 

[Insert a half-assed ending.]

[Nevermind I’m lazy.]


End file.
